“In hindsight,” Said Lester Pigg, victim of a recent multiple home invasion attack, “I should have probably listened to my cousin Edgar and used bricks.” In his first public statement since the attack which left his home in pieces and a town deeply divided, Lester Pigg spoke more about his own failure to properly protect himself than of the heinous crime perpetrated against himself and his half-brother Wing-o.
Lupus Wolfe, 24, has been formerly charged in the brazen attack on three homes, two of which were completely destroyed. The home invasion, said to have originated in a dispute over a woman, came as a shock to the town, which has seen a long period of peace since the disappearance twelve years ago of Hans Kraus’s children Hansel and Gretyl.
“One minute I’m watching ‘America’s Got Talent,'” Said Pigg. “The next thing I know, there’s all this huffing and puffing and my house is just… gone! Then this dude with very big eyes and large teeth came in and just started beating me unmerciful!”
The scene was allegedly repeated at Wing-o Pigg’s home a short time later. “Wing-o is such a nice gentleman,” Said a witness to the crime who described herself only as ‘Grandma.’ “He worked so hard with those sticks… he built such a beautiful house, only to have it all ruined. And such a beating he took!
The third home invasion at the home of Edgar Swine, cousin of Lester and Wing-o, was unsuccessful. While the investigation is still ongoing, a town constable has stated off the record that the third invasion may have been thwarted due to ‘a less retarded use of building materials.’