Secretary of State Hilary Clinton is reportedly receiving treatments at an undisclosed location tonight after staffers believed she might be suffering from the effects of rabies. Early, unsubstantiated reports from the crew of her airplane stated that she was acting erratically, drinking water by the liter and, just not being herself at all.
“The take off was routine. The first part of the flight was routine.” Said a press reporter who spoke on condition of anonymity. It was a long flight. The Secretary of State usually comes in toward the first leg of a long flight and has a quick conversation for the cameras, then it’s pretty much laid back chit chat and off the record discussions. It’s always very chill.
But this night was anything but chill. “She came out in this pink business suit.. we’re all familiar with it — its one of her favorites. She’s got something all over the front of it .. looked like yogurt or mushed up banana or something.. and so instead of just taking a spot up front, she started careening up and down the aisles yelling something.. I’m not really sure what it was, but it sounded like “CHIT CHIT CHIT CHITTITTITTER CHIT CHIT CHIT!!” Something like that.. really high pitched and whiny.
The pressman was surprised enough, but not nearly ready for what happened next. “She slides up to teh end of the hallway ansd starts spiking up and playing with her hair.. and yelling ‘hey ‘hey… I’m Conan Effin’ Obrien!!!’, Only she didn’t say ‘effen’. And she had her hair all up like he does and she was bouncing around and telling stupid jokes about why men don’t have penises or some such.. it really wasn’t funny like O’brien. I mean, it was funneir than Leno, but she really doesn’t have the chin to pull that one off and .. well it just wasn’t funny no matter how funny Conan is.”
Only a few photos were taken of the hyjinx. Most were demanded of the press corp by Secret Service aboard the plane. A few did get out, like this one which caught her full chitter, halfway through her impromptu Late Night monolog which had many four letter words and a bunch of scatalogical terms smattered recklessly throughout.
“Right now we think it’s rabies,” said a female attendant on the plane. “Not because we think that’s what it really might turn out to be, but because she’s acting really weird, you know like rabid raccoons do when they got rabies. They jump up in the air and start to bite themselves.. and roll around and fight themselves. We half expected the Madam Secretary to start doing that at any moment”
We of course will have more on this story as it develops.