The Ambienista

CONSUMER WARNING!

ambienista — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 04:00:06 +0000

SUPER GLUE AND SEA TURTLES DO NOT MIX

Donald Wortle, shown here hopelessly glued to a Greenback Sea Turtle, is hoping to catalog the effect of super glue on the entire animal kingdom. So far, he says, kangaroos and rattlesnakes have proven to be the most dangerous, with ostriches being 'way too cantankerous' to stand still long enough for the glue to set.

Giant Arab spotted at Hajj

ambienista — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 03:51:18 +0000

This is the only known photograph of a mysterious 'giant Arab' seen lingering mere miles from the holiest shrine during Hajj. No one was injured by the giant and there were no reports of damage, but concerns were heightened briefly when it was thought he might try to stone the Devil using a nearby mountain.

ambienista — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:45:09 +0000

Bring Back George W. Bush. Restore our self respect and prosperity. Only YOU can make it happen!

ambienista — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:24:31 +0000

KAUZ (Wichita Falls): “Body Found in Wall of Yale University Building Could be Missing Student.”

WTF: How many fucking bodies do the Kansans believe are inside the walls of Yale? Do you think these flatlanders picture detectives running through the college with box cutters slicing through walls and checking the bodies as they fall?! “Nope, not that one.” “Nope, she’s Japanese, not Filipino.” “Nope, nope… ok we’ll go back to that one.” “Nope…”

Really. WTF?

West Virginia Clinic Protesters Misdiagnosed

ambienista — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 01:12:40 +0000

Wheeling: Dr. Carol Whitbocker had only one thing to say about the dozens of protesters assembled in front of her Dyslexia and Reading Disorders clinic on North Main Street. The protesters, angry over being cut loose from the Doctor’s popular program, had taken up residency in front of her office early in the morning and had still not left by late in the afternoon.

“I had to cut them loose,” Whitbocker said, exasperated. “It turned out none of them was dyslexic… They are all just plain stupid.” Shaking her head and pointing out the lightly frosted front window of the office, she added. “Just look!”