Little Rock: Since everyone knows you can’t trust politicians anymore — or any adult role models for that matter — the State of Arkansas and the Southern Baptist church, in a surprising stance of unity and church/state collusion, have turned to children to get their message out on same-sex relationships and AIDS.
“AIDS is gross and stuff,” Said 10 year old Emily Jaques at the Little Rock Capitol last Friday. “Being gay is, like, Obamination and a sin against God. People need to know the truth because the Bible says ‘Thou shalt not have two Dads.'”
Perhaps the facts are a bit off-kilter, but the message is clear. To avoid the s0-called ‘Gay Plague,’ it’s not a good idea for sexual contact between two men, two women or any combination of multiple partners that introduces the potential for two people of the same sex to, as Jacques put it, “Touch pee-pee’s and junk.”
Surprisingly, the findings of the recent scientific testing that led to the recruitment of child-spokespeople, sex with horses is ok. On this, Little Emily Jacques rolls her eyes. “This IS America after all!”
Rural deviants nationwide await the news on whether relations with Sheep, cattle or other domesticated animals increases the likelihood of falling into clutches of the “Gay Plague.”