Delhi: Indian officials have claimed victory in their race to the moon as their latest spacecraft, Kali Mata IV orbited the moon almost one continuous time before being lost to radio contact. While this milestone may be less than stellar by other contries’ standards, for India it marks an unprecedented level of success and stokes the nation’s collective quest for space. “This is stupendous!” beamed Rhing Pating Singh, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “We have a billion people in our country; many people who wish to conquer the stars. So unless we run out of raw materials, we shall not run out of astronauts to man these missions. Previously we had calamities which boggle the mind. We had rockets blow up in factories, on the launch pad, you name it! One rocket even blew up before we even started building it! But this… this is true progress.”
The Kali Mata IV which was built to resemble the Hindu God for which it was named, was an engineering marvel even NASA could take note of, according to Singh. “The so-called ‘Space Shuttle’ only has one robotic arm. The Kali Mata IV had four robotic arms, with fingers! Oh, the things we could do with that craft, had we thought about it before sending her to the moon.” The Indian people were especially proud of the ?????????? ???? or “chicken arm” which, according to Singh, was used for “many interesting purposes.”
Not to be outdone, Kali Mata V is already on the drawing table. “If it doesn’b blow up,” Says Singh, “We expect to shoot it right off the launchpad into the sky.” The Kali Mata V is rumored to be designed to feature airbags.
Tags: blow up, calamitous, calamity, India, moon launch, oh dear, several million dead in one car accident
If we don’t act soon they’ll have a monopoly on the outer space convenience stores, and the crew of the international space station will get price gouged when they need a roll of toilet paper in an emergency.