Official documents were released today in the UK, detailing UFO reports and even substantiating a few. But being the haze-brained Ambienista I am, I have filtered the report to its foundation. What follows is a warning to our brothers in Britain.
Carefully examine the photo below:
This is a flying banana. This is NOT a craft from outer space! You dumbass fools!
You see, when we picture aliens, we see this:
Your typical “Grey…” The boogeyman from a million scary movies, ten thousand episodes of The X-Files and at least four borderline credible abduction theories.
We DO NOT see this:
The Chiquita banana lady whose image has been on a bajillion crates of fruit for the last sixty years. She danced on TV, first in black and white, then later on in color. Nobody’s afraid of her. Your grandfather probably masturbated to her.
So for all the half-washed masses throughout the UK (with a special hello to the Turks and Caicos Islands!), please observe the following handy reference:
And… just for good measure: