It’s all Las Vegas without the slot machines and legal prostitution. It’s all lights without the cohesive designs and cool computer-aided showings that cause the crowds to oooh and aaah as a visual symphony unfolds. It’s Latham, bitches. That’s Latham, NY in case you know of another Latham where maybe things are a little less mundane and a little more 90210. There’s a mall here that will fit seventy stores. Nevermind the fact that only three of them are open (but one of them is an Old Country Buffet where you can sample up to 32 hot food items that are damn close to what grandma makes a couple days after her government check arrives…). The theater has at least one IMAX screen — or at least it seems like IMAX to Jimmy who has a very small head and very narrow eyes. There’s a Home Depot and a Lowes and you haters best step back a tick because even though the KFC burned down a few years ago, IT’S COMING BACK.
Latham is a place where you can live your wildest dreams a TJ Rafferties or one of three Coccas hotels. Bring your wife or leave her at home. Do the right thing or slip into the shadows of the wrong, but just remember.. what happens in Latham stays in Latham. Unless the cops get involved. Then you’re just as fucked as if you were in any other town in the United States.